There's been plenty of debate whether or not online friendships and ties are just as strong as real life ties and there's been even more debate that the internet is taking away from our real world ties. Sometimes, it does seem like this is true.
Me heading to prom, on my phone instead of interacting with people.
The article states that the internet is not a separate reality.
Let me say that again, THE INTERNET IS NOT A SEPARATE REALITY.
No matter how many studies are done on the internet and its influence on people and relationships, I feel that there's this disconnect where people believe that those people you only interact with online have a significantly different relationship with you than the people that you talk to in real life.
I say, that's ridiculous. The people that I am closest to do not live anywhere near here. My best friends are all over the world right now and most of our interactions occur online. Honestly, I cannot remember the last time that I hung out in person with my best friends, but they are still the people that I am closest to even though I haven't seen them in person for at least three years.
Don't believe me? Let's dive into my Facebook.
I know a lot of people. Now let's analyze some of these people, the top nine people that come up on my Facebook page. One of them is my husband, two of them are directly related to me and the other six are friends. One of them was my high school best friend and roommate up at school and the other five are best friends from high school that I've barely seen since I graduated three years ago. If Facebook is going to choose these people as a sample of my friends, why would it pick people that I haven't seen in years?
Because of this group:
One of my friends created this group for the specific reason for us to stay in touch even though we were heading all over the world to go to school. We tell each other EVERYTHING here. As the article says, the way for strong internet ties to exist is for those ties to somewhat resemble ties that we have with people in person, they are "frequent, companionable contact and are voluntary." My relationship with my friends online definitely follows that pattern. Sometimes I would contact everyone as a group and sometimes just by using private messages, but either way, we keep in touch so that when this happened:
I had a moment like this:
I haven't seen these girls in person for years, but through plenty of online conversation and planning, the six girls that I was closest to in high school managed to be there for my wedding. My answer the question posed by the reading, are strong, intimate ties possible online is an emphatic, YES. I was so excited to see these girls even though I haven't spent time with them in years and we have all changed so much.
Of course, this is just my experience with internet ties with people that I had previously established a relationship with. I might be just a little biased in that respect, so the article brings up another good point, can these weak ties be useful and are they reciprocated? The article mentions that "some analysts have suggested that the greater the social and physical distance between the support seeker and provider, the less likely that the reciprocity will take place." Later the article says that, "nevertheless, many Net members do reciprocate support even to weak ties." It seems that the author is still not quite sure whether or not the norm is for people to help these weak ties or not. In my own personal experience, I'd say that these ties are actually supported and sometimes in amazing ways.
One of my friends posted this on Facebook and my heart hurt for this family that lost their daughter during what is usually such a happy season. I told my friends about it even though I did not know the family, and 48 hours after the original fund had been set up, the goal of $10,000 was surpassed. The latest total shows that over $60,000 has been raised to help this family.
The number of backers is astounding and the number of comments that read something like this are even more astonishing:
People who don't know this family reached out, donated, and left comments for them during this difficult time. This fund was not widely advertised, it was spread around on Facebook and by word of mouth. People did not know who they were helping they just knew that a friend of a friend was hurting and they could help. These weak ties became a little stronger and I know that this family was in the thoughts and prayers of many people that they didn't even know.
How can you see things like that and not think that the internet has brought people together and built a stronger and more connected social network? These ties do not magically disappear when the computer is turned off just like real friendship still exists while people are apart. The internet is the builder of social ties, weak and strong, not a creator of on again off again friendships like those that exist in junior high.
Sometimes you can't even replicate those unique internet experiences in real life. I'll bet you've never had a moment like this have you? I'm sure glad I did.
The caption on Facebook reads, "I can't believe I brought a duck to our Google+ hangout..."
Awesome blog post, Emily! That's really impressive that you still keep close contact with your high school friends, especially since you're in college in another state! I wish I could say I've kept that good of contact with my high school friends.
ReplyDeleteDo you remember how we discussed in class that there's a limit to the number of relationships we can keep current (it was about 150, the size of a BYU ward)? Do you think staying in contact with a greater amount of people online impacts the amount of people you can stay in contact with in person, or do you think there is no effect? What are your thoughts?
I think that there are other factors that influence how many people that you keep in contact with other than the number of people you currently interact with. I try and keep in contact with quite a few people and sometimes it's difficult not because of how many people I know but because of how little time that I have to give. I'm pretty sure that I have more than 150 people that I try and keep in touch with and sometimes I don't check in all that often, but I still check in from time to time. I think that this is the case for me because my network is so interconnected. My social web has so many connections that it's easier for me to keep updated since talking to one person allows me to hear about the lives of a number of my other friends whether online or in person.
ReplyDeleteI'm not the norm though! I just have a unique social set up. I think that for other people that the internet was a huge help in expanding the number of people that they could keep in contact with, but I don't think that many of them take advantage of doing so. Times change, people change. I know many of my college friends do not talk to their high school friends much anymore.
Cool post. As a side note, I like the way it looks with pics and screenshots. As far as content goes, I really like the example of the funeral family that raised money. Spot on.
ReplyDeleteThe interconnected nature of your social circle makes a huge difference in being able to stay in touch with them. My guess is that many people don't have the same level of transitivity and so, for them, their online relationships are not as deep.
Emily,
ReplyDeleteVery thoughtful and complete. Your experience suggests that online communities simply extend and ramify existing connections from the real world. Have you never formed a relationship on a forum or online group with someone you've never actually met? Some people are consumed by these virtual relationships. How are they different?